Part 3: FC-18 (Chapter 2)

My throbbing hurt had left my mind, my heart and my thoughts spinning.

As I got down from the office bus I realized that God had been kind to me for the first time in the day. It was still raining. My eyes started raining too. Damn. I took the alley in the direction opposite to my home, as I knew my eyes were not stopping anytime soon.

Anjali announced to the entire gang she was getting married. I missed the part to whom and when. My brain crashed at the first sentence itself. The all absorbing plight and anguish engulfed me.

I continued walking and crying thinking of the wonderful life. I was crazy about her. She was the coolest girl I ever met. I was mad about everything … her spontaneity, her crazy blabber and even her mood swings.

Of coarse, her thoughts made me cry more; probably I just wanted to cry away her memories. But her memories were neither few nor frivolous to be washed by small drops of salty water.

Tired of crying I moved towards home, now my thoughts were more on how to dodge Mom’s question and her insistence for dinner. My hunger had extinguished long back. I planned to somehow reach my room at the earliest and cry myself to sleep.

Mom probably knew about the state of my heart and she surprisingly provided no obstruction on my way to the room.

Back in the solitary confines of my room, I emptied the contest of this soaked pockets, including my now useless mobile. My instrument of love has no chances to revive after today, like my love.

Love. Shit, tears ran down my eyes again. I wanted to glorify my pain by calling it what it was not. There was no love. I was crazy about from almost from the time a met her. But scared of loosing her by confessing my true feelings, I hid behind the charade of a friend to be and stay close to her.

Random thoughts of pain and anger passed through my head. From accusing my coward self to bring upon this inevitable pain on me to the angry resolutions to move out of the gang forever … reeled in my head. I was almost afraid to go to the office, lest I face her and loose control over my emotions…

I used the most obvious excuse available at workplace …. I told them I was busy with work and stopped the snack breaks. It was killing. It seemed that I was abstaining from life. I secretly wished someone will catch my bluff and uncover my hurt. But it never happened …uhhh actually it has been just three days ….Thursday of the same week when my world shattered …too little time for them to miss me…even though my longing for the old routine was severe.


As I walked towards the parking, all absorbed in my thoughts... Ajay called my name. He ran to join me and slapped my back in an endearing gesture. “What man you also starting working??” he commented with a short laugh. “yeah! Build end date is this weekend” I replied apologetically to the accusation of working. “Oh! Back to normal next week” he wanted to confirm…

“May be!! Hope so!!” I spoke with a clue of tentativeness in my voice. I was afraid to give him any false hope. I was not ready to join the gang and face Anjali anytime soon. “Evening snacks are not same without you. Anjali is all distracted and Aarti would not even consider coming if you are missing from the gang.” He continued.

Anjali is distracted. I hope happy distracted. Marriage is a big decision. May be she is talking to him on phone all the time.

Ahhh!!! I have this amazing ability to stab my own heart with the sting of my own thoughts…

Wait!! What Aarti would not come for the snack breaks if I am not there… I, first time proactively conversed with Ajay to confirm if I got it right. “Hey as if you donn know!! She has a crush on you. The whole world knows” he confirmed. Wow!! The whole world knows… guess that would be the whole world minus one…I had no clue

Aarti was a short, slim and dusky introvert girl, who spoke seldom. Actually she spoke seldom in the group, but as I could recall now, she chatted blatantly when only both of us went to the FC. Her lost look, her smiles, her chatting with me on intranet messenger all seemed to have morphed in a different meaning now.

As I lay in my bed, looking at the fan… which was the witness of my three nights of tears and turmoils… I was shocked my disloyalty … from the conversation with Ajay all my thoughts revolved around Aarti, as I tried to come in terms of this rather encouraging gossip that she had a crush on me.

My pain and despair were clouded by the fluttery hope of myself becoming someone’s love interest.