Exhausted she sat down on the small cement covering on the drain outside her future home.
She was the center of attention sitting, almost on the narrow road lined on both sides by the drain, which was open at most parts. The small, irregular cemented houses, each colored differently added to the ugliness like the people living in them. These impolite neighbors were curious about the young bride sitting like this and the loud arguments heard from the house; some pretended to do chores and moved in and out of their houses to catch a glimpse of her while others just stood at the variously shaped gates of their walled houses to stare at her.
She wore a wedding dress, a red and gold salwar kameez. Her palms decorated with heena and hands filled with the auspicious red and white bangles called chooda. She still wore jewelry from her wedding, the gold pendent on her forehead, the gold necklace and bangles were all her father’s life savings.
Suddenly, her eyes welled up and she sighed out loud. She clutched to the red suitcase of her belongings and white handbag so tight that her nails left an impression on her palms. She had to; this was her world, till she was allowed inside.
This was all so different; it was all supposed to be so different. As a kid, all blessings were that she will marry a prince. As a girl all dreams were that she will have a perfect marriage. Her grandmother often said that she wanted was a life long enough to see her wedding. The dolls and their dresses; love stories; romantic movies and soul-stirring music all embellished her dreams like precious gems.
Then reality smacked. She was not the most beautiful and most amazing girl that her family believed she was; she was not the princes that every prince wanted to marry. She rejected many and many rejected her, before the alliance of dreams became the most daunting tasks for her parents.
She lived through a nightmare when on days she wondered why she could not get married when everyone seems to be tying knot; on other days she believed that she was complete and could lead a beautiful life, happy by herself; on some other days she was reminded that adjusting in name of matrimony will be so much better then the loneliness of old age and there were days when she thought the marriage will at least bring an end to this turmoil.
Her father was obsessed to get over his last responsibility. Her mother almost frenzied with the thought that she would leave her daughter without a family when she died. All intensions were good. But she needed a groom to get married.
Desire was taken over by logistics just like that dreams with overpowered by reality. The qualities sought in the groom fell to the bare minimum and her inputs if negative were rubbished more promptly.
When her marriage was finally fixed, it was relief for most of her family; including her. It was the destination of a long winding road; an answers to her prayers and a reason for her to resume her life.
Her wedding was no different than other Indian weddings. Her parents spent their life savings in preparation of the reception, dinner and ceremony besides spending on her ornaments and dresses. It was the moment of their social pride, childish wishes and desperate attempt to woo their daughters to-be family. That is why when the groom asked an enormous amount of dowry at the wedding, they could not say “yes” and when her brother’s jobless friend proposed to accept her as his bride, they could not say “no”.
They let go of her with their blessings and a suitcase.
Her forlorn eyes stared without reading at the tag on her suitcase, which said Shubh Vivah (Happy Matrimony)
Tuesday, June 28, 2011
Friday, February 25, 2011
Part 5: High on Life (Chapter 4)
The direction of life was already decided for Sameer yet he took his time preparing to face it.
He could no longer attend his classes and his work lost its sheen because it was no longer supporting the big picture. He was left with only two thoughts, the first one was what to say when he would call his dad and tell him about coming back to the folds of family and family business. There was no way he could salvage this situation. He had lost a lot of time and money along with a lot of face.
The second thought was more intriguing. He wondered how Kusum was able to create to the perfect lie. He gave thought to many characteristics that he could have used to fabricate his own little lie of a make-believe girlfriend. What combination of religion, caste, family background and education would have intrigued his parents to accept her without meeting her? Also will they ever have the patience and wait for a call from her parents…
Obviously, he could not think even close to an acceptable profile.
While his life was stagnant, it was a relief to see Kusum soar in her endeavors. In fact her calls were the only events in his life to look forward to. She was doing great working at client’s location. Beyond work also her confidence increased leaps and bounds. Now she was into marathons, skiing, toastmasters and driving cars.
Finally one morning when he realized or rather confessed to himself that there was no easy way to break the news and picked up the phone. The last thought as he dialed his father’s cell number was that he will not be in Bangalore when Kusum returns and will probably never meet her ever again in his life…
*********************************************************************************
The call was a nightmare. It was nothing like he imagined. It was almost like his father was waiting for the call. Besides his usual acknowledgment umms and aahhs the only question he asked was the date of Sameer’s return home.
Baffled Sameer could not decide if his father was too wise or his own failures were this obvious. He even called up Kusum in the middle of the night to share with her the weird reaction of his father. But Kusum just laughed, she was relieved that he was returning home.
Before closing the conversation, Sameer finally poised the question. The “only other thought” that drove him crazy. Kusum replied with her characteristic innocence, killing him on second count with her words….”Sameer, I told them your story, i told them I love you”
He could no longer attend his classes and his work lost its sheen because it was no longer supporting the big picture. He was left with only two thoughts, the first one was what to say when he would call his dad and tell him about coming back to the folds of family and family business. There was no way he could salvage this situation. He had lost a lot of time and money along with a lot of face.
The second thought was more intriguing. He wondered how Kusum was able to create to the perfect lie. He gave thought to many characteristics that he could have used to fabricate his own little lie of a make-believe girlfriend. What combination of religion, caste, family background and education would have intrigued his parents to accept her without meeting her? Also will they ever have the patience and wait for a call from her parents…
Obviously, he could not think even close to an acceptable profile.
While his life was stagnant, it was a relief to see Kusum soar in her endeavors. In fact her calls were the only events in his life to look forward to. She was doing great working at client’s location. Beyond work also her confidence increased leaps and bounds. Now she was into marathons, skiing, toastmasters and driving cars.
Finally one morning when he realized or rather confessed to himself that there was no easy way to break the news and picked up the phone. The last thought as he dialed his father’s cell number was that he will not be in Bangalore when Kusum returns and will probably never meet her ever again in his life…
*********************************************************************************
The call was a nightmare. It was nothing like he imagined. It was almost like his father was waiting for the call. Besides his usual acknowledgment umms and aahhs the only question he asked was the date of Sameer’s return home.
Baffled Sameer could not decide if his father was too wise or his own failures were this obvious. He even called up Kusum in the middle of the night to share with her the weird reaction of his father. But Kusum just laughed, she was relieved that he was returning home.
Before closing the conversation, Sameer finally poised the question. The “only other thought” that drove him crazy. Kusum replied with her characteristic innocence, killing him on second count with her words….”Sameer, I told them your story, i told them I love you”
Monday, January 10, 2011
Part 4: High on Life (Chapter 3)
The news and need for Kusum to travel for work changed the deadlock of delimma for her.
Sameer never under estimated the importance of his new found friend in his life. When kusum announced that she needs to travel to United States for six months within next 3 weeks, it was a setback to his not-going-anywhere life. Sameer decided to enjoy her presence thoroughly for these three weeks. He was wrong, Kusum’s planning, purchasing and packing for her travel was all consuming.
The only time Sameer really got to spend with her was when he accompanied her to her chores. He took her around for shopping, tried to run her errands and hang around her while she stressed. He was very tempted to ask her how she got permission from her parents without finalizing the all important alliance. Of coarse he did not ask any such politically incorrect question; there was no need for it.
He played along to the hysteria, knowing that what he was getting was a privilage. He was aware that there was no relationship or commitment to even encourage them to stay in touch. And if the madness of preperation of the travel for her assignment was any indication, she was predicted to have no time for him when her assignment actually started.
The dreadful Friday night came too soon, when he had to drop her at the airport. They talked as if this evening was no different then their meetings at the coffee shop, discussing varied impersonal topics from IPL to movies to work-life balance. Of coarse ‘miss you’s would have been inappropriate, but even the ‘take care’ was kept short and abrupt.
The next staurday felt heavy and dark. It was a realization after the escapism. It felt like coming out of a good movie knowing that it’s over and life oblivious of all the good time still stood outside the movie theatre unchanged.
The bleek picture of life was loud and clear. He never informed anyone that he has finally flunked his semester exams earlier that week. The problem was that he did not even feel guilty. MBA was a mistake he knew it. The only problem was that admitting this to his family and returning back with miminum possible embarassment.
The mundane act of going from home to bar to college was a little more painful. Her calls, meetings and even crazy SMS’s were sorely missed. He started deabting a lot about going home. Actually he was sure he wanted to go home, he started debating on the reason he will provide on abandoning his purpose and returning home defeated.
*****************************************************************************
It was difficult to explain his feelings when she finally called him the following Saturday and chimed a so-familier-and-so-yearned “Hi”. He gasped as if his face was finally hit by the breeze he was waiting for breathing.
If was difficult to express what he went through in the last week. At times he knew she will call, their friendship was not so frail. At times he thought she will not call, there was not really reason to maintain their mere social relationship overseas. At time he wanted to pray that she should call but stopped himself from the immature act. At times he did not even wanted to admit he wanted her too call. While he swayed between hope and cynicism, there were times when he simply needed her to call, just because everything was so much more difficult without her warm smile.
Of coarse, the week was not that long for her. From finding a shared accomodation to learning the subway routes of New York to the awesome new officeto the first snowfall that she witnessed to buying her new iphone and getting a india calling card, eveything was an adventure. She was as charming and as talkitive as ever.
Her stories of triumphing the unknown with her grit and charm were ample. After she caught up on all the initial excitement the lack of participation from Sameer’s part became more and more obvious. Before she could misunderstood that Sameer was not interested in her momlouge, Sameer told her about his new compunding problems.
She was very upset to know he failed his exams. “ You idiiot!! You are wasting money and time both doing that goddamn course. Go back home Sameer. You definitely don’t want to study. And your job at the bar sucks too. You have your own family business. No one with a good options of being self employeed work at some idiotic bar as a manager.” “Please go back.” She requested.
Since the uncomforting reason for Sameer to pursue his not-really-a-dream education, he decided to ask the haunting question. It was also relevant to his return home. “I have a question” he said softly. “how did you convince your parents for your travel? They did not insist on marriage?”
“Actually” she said confidently “I lied” with some pride seeping in her tone.
“Lied about what?” he was all confused.
“I told them I have a boyfriend. I came up with a make belive story on I like this son-in-law material guy. I also told them how he also wants to marry me and is trying to convince his parents. As soon as he is successful, his parents will ask for my hand from them” she shared the secret.
“What?” he struggled to absorb this rather imaginitive and daring approach.
Sameer never under estimated the importance of his new found friend in his life. When kusum announced that she needs to travel to United States for six months within next 3 weeks, it was a setback to his not-going-anywhere life. Sameer decided to enjoy her presence thoroughly for these three weeks. He was wrong, Kusum’s planning, purchasing and packing for her travel was all consuming.
The only time Sameer really got to spend with her was when he accompanied her to her chores. He took her around for shopping, tried to run her errands and hang around her while she stressed. He was very tempted to ask her how she got permission from her parents without finalizing the all important alliance. Of coarse he did not ask any such politically incorrect question; there was no need for it.
He played along to the hysteria, knowing that what he was getting was a privilage. He was aware that there was no relationship or commitment to even encourage them to stay in touch. And if the madness of preperation of the travel for her assignment was any indication, she was predicted to have no time for him when her assignment actually started.
The dreadful Friday night came too soon, when he had to drop her at the airport. They talked as if this evening was no different then their meetings at the coffee shop, discussing varied impersonal topics from IPL to movies to work-life balance. Of coarse ‘miss you’s would have been inappropriate, but even the ‘take care’ was kept short and abrupt.
The next staurday felt heavy and dark. It was a realization after the escapism. It felt like coming out of a good movie knowing that it’s over and life oblivious of all the good time still stood outside the movie theatre unchanged.
The bleek picture of life was loud and clear. He never informed anyone that he has finally flunked his semester exams earlier that week. The problem was that he did not even feel guilty. MBA was a mistake he knew it. The only problem was that admitting this to his family and returning back with miminum possible embarassment.
The mundane act of going from home to bar to college was a little more painful. Her calls, meetings and even crazy SMS’s were sorely missed. He started deabting a lot about going home. Actually he was sure he wanted to go home, he started debating on the reason he will provide on abandoning his purpose and returning home defeated.
*****************************************************************************
It was difficult to explain his feelings when she finally called him the following Saturday and chimed a so-familier-and-so-yearned “Hi”. He gasped as if his face was finally hit by the breeze he was waiting for breathing.
If was difficult to express what he went through in the last week. At times he knew she will call, their friendship was not so frail. At times he thought she will not call, there was not really reason to maintain their mere social relationship overseas. At time he wanted to pray that she should call but stopped himself from the immature act. At times he did not even wanted to admit he wanted her too call. While he swayed between hope and cynicism, there were times when he simply needed her to call, just because everything was so much more difficult without her warm smile.
Of coarse, the week was not that long for her. From finding a shared accomodation to learning the subway routes of New York to the awesome new officeto the first snowfall that she witnessed to buying her new iphone and getting a india calling card, eveything was an adventure. She was as charming and as talkitive as ever.
Her stories of triumphing the unknown with her grit and charm were ample. After she caught up on all the initial excitement the lack of participation from Sameer’s part became more and more obvious. Before she could misunderstood that Sameer was not interested in her momlouge, Sameer told her about his new compunding problems.
She was very upset to know he failed his exams. “ You idiiot!! You are wasting money and time both doing that goddamn course. Go back home Sameer. You definitely don’t want to study. And your job at the bar sucks too. You have your own family business. No one with a good options of being self employeed work at some idiotic bar as a manager.” “Please go back.” She requested.
Since the uncomforting reason for Sameer to pursue his not-really-a-dream education, he decided to ask the haunting question. It was also relevant to his return home. “I have a question” he said softly. “how did you convince your parents for your travel? They did not insist on marriage?”
“Actually” she said confidently “I lied” with some pride seeping in her tone.
“Lied about what?” he was all confused.
“I told them I have a boyfriend. I came up with a make belive story on I like this son-in-law material guy. I also told them how he also wants to marry me and is trying to convince his parents. As soon as he is successful, his parents will ask for my hand from them” she shared the secret.
“What?” he struggled to absorb this rather imaginitive and daring approach.
Sunday, January 02, 2011
Part 3: High on Life (Chapter 2)
He was happy to have found Kusum. She occupied almost all his thoughts now. His studies suffered like never before.
Kusum had found a friend too. She could talk to someone about the problems of her life, actually problem. There was this one single but all absorbing problem of her life. Her marriage!!
She was taurmented by the reasons and pressure to get married. Meeting prospective suitors were torturous. To meet a stranger and evaluate through small talk the compatebility for a life time realation was killing. The drama aound caste and horoscope in educated families was obnoxious. The fact that she was very happy being single and had no wish to get married, made the need to bend backwards to get married all the more painful.
She always ended by sharing her feelings with Sameer a lot mainly because she came to drink whenever she was upset. Her friends told her that getting drunk and being tipsy will help her feel better about a sitaution which she could not reclaim anyway. Personally she did not like drinking; it was like blinking your eyes when confronted by a monster. Also she absolutely dreaded puking. But ofcoarse she has started using it to get rid of the suitors she did not like…..
Sameer felt honored being her confidant, he tried help her by rationalizing and simplifying her ordeal. He always tried to convince her to talk to her parents rather then getting this worked up. Each time Kusum used to loose her cool “Are you crazy? Dad says my marriage is his biggest responsibility and mom tells me how important it’s to have a companion in life.” “It does not matter what I want and when. I am already getting old and all good suitable guys are getting married to others.”
Sameer loved to talk to her, though she was for most part a girl entangled in herself. The pathos of want and need continued… where she wanted to kae her parents happy but needed her independence.
They met relguarly now mostly outside the bar as his responsibilities increased after the manager was fired. He was the new intrim manager till a new one got appointed.
She again came to the coffee shop in a bad mood that Sunday morning, so he tried to talk again about what was bothering her. ”May be you want to get married but just not go the arranged married route”. “what?” she snapped. “How else do you get married?” she asked.
He realized she was too mad to appreciate his tangential thought but still decided to speak his mind, “fall in love.”
“And how do you fall in love? Go to forum each evening with a begger’s bowl. Ah sameer! You are so immature” she said shaking her head in disappointment.
“Hunh!! Why am I immature?” he was offended. “just because I study? Well I actually worked before returning to school, you know that right?” he blasted and added after a pause “ and I am only an year younger to you.”
It was her chance to frreak out now.”How do you know my age?” She was furious. “Mam, you flash your ID each time you buy drinks. One more reason for not to drink I say.” He concluded galantly like he has scored against her.
She now wanted to change the topic. “You were happy working with your father. Why did you feel the need to study? You hardly study now, being manager out here.”
“Ahhh… I wanted to study and gain knowledge, there is so much to learn you know.” She continued to look at him, waiting for the answer, the real one. He paused, he struggled and then said quitly “They wanted me to get married.”
Kusum had found a friend too. She could talk to someone about the problems of her life, actually problem. There was this one single but all absorbing problem of her life. Her marriage!!
She was taurmented by the reasons and pressure to get married. Meeting prospective suitors were torturous. To meet a stranger and evaluate through small talk the compatebility for a life time realation was killing. The drama aound caste and horoscope in educated families was obnoxious. The fact that she was very happy being single and had no wish to get married, made the need to bend backwards to get married all the more painful.
She always ended by sharing her feelings with Sameer a lot mainly because she came to drink whenever she was upset. Her friends told her that getting drunk and being tipsy will help her feel better about a sitaution which she could not reclaim anyway. Personally she did not like drinking; it was like blinking your eyes when confronted by a monster. Also she absolutely dreaded puking. But ofcoarse she has started using it to get rid of the suitors she did not like…..
Sameer felt honored being her confidant, he tried help her by rationalizing and simplifying her ordeal. He always tried to convince her to talk to her parents rather then getting this worked up. Each time Kusum used to loose her cool “Are you crazy? Dad says my marriage is his biggest responsibility and mom tells me how important it’s to have a companion in life.” “It does not matter what I want and when. I am already getting old and all good suitable guys are getting married to others.”
Sameer loved to talk to her, though she was for most part a girl entangled in herself. The pathos of want and need continued… where she wanted to kae her parents happy but needed her independence.
They met relguarly now mostly outside the bar as his responsibilities increased after the manager was fired. He was the new intrim manager till a new one got appointed.
She again came to the coffee shop in a bad mood that Sunday morning, so he tried to talk again about what was bothering her. ”May be you want to get married but just not go the arranged married route”. “what?” she snapped. “How else do you get married?” she asked.
He realized she was too mad to appreciate his tangential thought but still decided to speak his mind, “fall in love.”
“And how do you fall in love? Go to forum each evening with a begger’s bowl. Ah sameer! You are so immature” she said shaking her head in disappointment.
“Hunh!! Why am I immature?” he was offended. “just because I study? Well I actually worked before returning to school, you know that right?” he blasted and added after a pause “ and I am only an year younger to you.”
It was her chance to frreak out now.”How do you know my age?” She was furious. “Mam, you flash your ID each time you buy drinks. One more reason for not to drink I say.” He concluded galantly like he has scored against her.
She now wanted to change the topic. “You were happy working with your father. Why did you feel the need to study? You hardly study now, being manager out here.”
“Ahhh… I wanted to study and gain knowledge, there is so much to learn you know.” She continued to look at him, waiting for the answer, the real one. He paused, he struggled and then said quitly “They wanted me to get married.”
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